Wednesday, May 8, 2013

So who is in charge here?!

This week has been finals week for me and nothing can stress a parent out more than trying to juggle the immediate needs of their family, work and then of course school. I happened to have 3 back to back exams and felt like I was all over the place these last few days. I can tell that H has felt the effects of this but so has my oldest. I am here but not in the present, the now. I am around enough to whip up a quick dinner and then vanish behind my computer until very late in the night. I put a lot of pressure on myself and that could be my biggest downfall. I suddenly feel I have a lot of expectations to live up to such as my Bomb Wing award I received this quarter and being on the Dean's List, throw in some advocacy work and being everything to everyone it starts to take it's toll. 

Tonight I had my last exam for the semester. Just two more to go! I had my husband and H in tow as I walked into the school. Chris needed to speak to his advisor real quick while I was taking my exam. I was holding H and it was clear he didn't want to be held. He saw the big openness of the building and was ready to take off. I had to turn in a few last minute assignments so I held H in my arms to ensure his safety. He was doing his loud shrieks, flapping, squirming and laughing his really crazy loud laugh. I held on just a bit tighter hoping this pressure would relax him. Of course it didn't I did this until his dad reappeared from the bathroom and I passed him off so I could get ready for the exam. 

However in that time I was holding H a older lady walked up to me and said "It's clear who is in charge here and it isn't you." I know my facial expression wasn't pleasant as I was taken aback by it and really caught off guard. She quietly said "cute kid though" as she walked off. I really wanted to say "Look lady if you think you can do a better job with my child and show him who is in charge by all means go for it!" However my inability to speak and my lack of wanting conflict left me biting my tongue. Where does she get off saying such things?

After cooling down and processing this I realized to an outsider of our world it would appear as if we don't have control or charge over our situations. It looks like we are helpless parents with spoiled brats who don't care to listen. What she is failing to see, along with all the others who have thought or said those same things is, this big open space we are in is an invitation to run and explore, these lights in the ceiling are not just lights it is like a disco strobe blinking incessantly to them, the smallest hum of those lights or the noise of people or other noises are like a bug buzzing right up in their ears pestering and frustrating them because they can't tune it out, the unfamiliar situation and lack of routine is also a factor in how their temperament will be. However I am not going to sit there and lecture her on the finer points when I have a child to tend to that is needing to be calmed and removed from a situation that could turn very ugly very quick. 

I started thinking though maybe I should start taking the time to explain what ASD, SPD and APD are to people and how that while they think my child is a complete defiant brat he actually is a very sweet, highly intelligent child who battles the everyday life of not being able to control a lot of what he does. He is also only 2.5 years old. We have all sorts of people working with us to help him have more control and abilities of being able to help himself but until then we do the best we can. 

So who is in charge here? We are, his parents who spend every waking hour, are in charge. Yes there are times we might not look qualified to even have a child let a lone one with special needs but honestly I think we do a fine job. This made me realize just how important all these therapies are to our children the OT, PT, SP and of course ABA. All that they learn through these types and other therapies are going to help coach them to know that we are in charge and we are aware of their needs and it's ok we got this for them. This also teaches them that they can be in charge of themselves to a point also. Every day is a learning experience for us and for them. Now we just need to take that knowledge and share with others that we have got this and we are infact in charge!-- Jamie Thomas


  1. I really liked this one. I don't understand autism at all and kids do look bratty to me sometimes, I'm not going to lie. It seems like autism is a huge excuse for not being well behaved. Blogs like this are opening up my eyes to what autism is. I feel ya in some ways. People think t1 diabetes is no big deal unless they live with it. I am sure you feel the same way about autism. Great job <3

    1. Thank you! I have a close friend who's daughter has T1 and learning from her has taught me a lot about those invisible diseases and disorders. I am glad I could open up your eyes a bit more. I know that lots of people think we just make excuses for our children's behavior but if they could just catch a glimpse of what life is like outside of being in public they would see that there is a difference between children just being a "brat" and those who really just do not have the cognitive ability to comprehend right and wrong and what is acceptable and what is not. Granted my child has his "bratty" moments and my means of discipline is different when he is just acting out. It really just becomes a balancing act.